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"THANK GOD FOR MY RETAILER'S RETURN POLICY"

Oh, the humanity! "Die Hard Arcade" was a smash hit in the arcades because there weren't any 3D versions of "Final Fight"-style games up until its arrival. A hungry audience embraced the concept, but after playing for nine consecutive days the Saturn version of the game (which is, for all practical purposes, arcade-perfect), I simply can not see anyone paying the full $45 price without feeling ripped off. The game is simply lacking the attention and extra details (new levels, new moves, polished graphics, etc.) that would show that Sega of America cares about us. "D.H.A." has plenty going for it, but a couple of severe shortcomings relegate it to "Rent Only" status. Even I, a bitter Saturn supporter until the end, can't waste my limited gaming funds on this licensed turd; tomorrow I'll take it back to "Electronics Boutique" and use the money to get me a "World Series Baseball 98". At least it "appears" that some effort went into that game's development.

Based on the arcade version of the Saturn (the Titan board), "D.H.A." features all-polygon levels and 3D backgrounds with polygon characters. You can be either the Bruce Willis character or a female sidekick, and you are sent into five missions where you battle robotic creatures and an assortment of goons, using your feet or fists with the same panache as mops and bazookas. Furniture and loose guns? They're at your disposal, and you'll need them in order to get to the final boss of the game (the leader of the terrorist squadron that kidnapped the President's daughter, a hairless Donald Sutherland!).

GRAPHICS / VISUALS: B-

Clipping bugs galore, the likes of which you haven't seen since first-gen. PSX titles like "Twisted Metal". The enemies and backgrounds have a bland and rough look, and the heroes fare only marginally better. The graphics in "Funky Head Boxers" and "Virtua Fighter Kids" (other Saturn titles ported from the Titan board) were much better. On the other hand, the camera angle and its movement are smooth and shows the playing field perfectly. No weird "Tomb Raider"-like camera angles that block or hamper the visuals. Solid mushy colors, not the vibrant rainbow I've been spoiled to expect from games with the "Saturn Exclusive" label on them. This game is the most PSX-looking title Sega has produced and released thus far (ouch!).

MUSIC / SOUND EFFECTS: B-

Irrelevant and unimaginative! The less said the better.

GAMEPLAY / FUN FACTOR: D+

There is so much promise in this title it hurts to see it all go to waste on such a short and unpolished package. The "Virtua Fighter"-style control has finally given us a taste of what a fully-developed 3D game with such mechanics can be like. You can kick, back-break or emasculate all the bad guys with the finesse of a "Streets of Rage" graduate. For as long as you play it, "D.H.A." gets the adrenaline pumping and the fingers itching for the next challenge.

Unfortunately the length of that thrill rivals that of sexual intercourse in its briefness (for some of us at least...ahem!). This game is just TOO SHORT! Fifteen minutes through all the bad guys (including those in the cut scenes) with four credits can be easily achieved (if you learn their patterns), and after that a sorry "Game Over" ending that rivals "Powerslave"in the awfulness department. "Deep Scan", an old Sega game, is included for nostalgic kicks and for additional credits, making sure that absolutely anybody with two hands and a brain (and that includes Professor Stephen B. Hawkins) can beat this game if they have the will to do so.

If you love the "Final Fight" style of gameplay, and absolutely are dying to have a new game that evokes those feelings, I would still suggest you do not shell $45 for this game. Sega should have packed lots of cool extra stuff and by not doing so they do not deserve the reward of our cash. I'd suggest you wait for "Fighting Force" from Eidos, which will at least have lots of scenarios and backgrounds to add to the kick-ass gameplay (I know it will be a PSX exclusive, but Saturn games shouldn't deprive themselves of the best games on other platforms, or should they?).

OVERALL: C

This is the perfect game to receive as a gift, because the measurement of your enjoyment will be amplified by the fact you didn't have to shell your dough for it. I wanted to support my struggling Saturn and enjoy a 3D beat-em-up from the Sega folks. Capcom's arcade game "The Punisher" is one of my favorites, and this game emulates that mayhem madness with flair. It just doesn't have that "feeling" of quality design that characterizes memorable games like "Tomb Raider" or the "Virtua Cop" series. "Die Hard Arcade" can only become a viable alternative if it sells for under $20 in the near future or if it's included in some sort of bundle pack (like the "2 games, get 1 free" promotion). A shame it didn't include the extras that characterize and give personality to Sega's other masterpieces. I'm beginning to feel that with this title and the upcoming "Sky Target" (negative buzz galore!), the AM1 department is beginning to feel like the odd orphan child from the family of Sega's internal developers (when it comes to Saturn, that is!).