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Okay. Show's over, there's nothing more to see, folks. This game is the perfect example of why it sucks so bad to own a Sega in the U.S., even though Saturn has all the best games. Last Bronx certainly DOESN'T take place in the Bronx, NY, but it definitely IS one of the last games we Yankees will see for our beloved Sega Saturns. And its a bitter sweet finale, all because of the folks at Sega of America....

GRAPHICS: 4/10

In case you don't know, yet, Last Bronx came out abroad long before it was (barely) reformatted for U.S. shores. It shows throughout the game. First of all, it's not in the Bronx. It's in Tokyo. But I guess SOA didn't want to take the time to change it to "Last Tokyo". Or fix any of the Japanese advertisements in the background. The whole time I'm playing, I keep thinking "But they're NOT in the BRONX, dammit!" The builds of the fighters don't match their beautifully animated (yet, brief) manga counterparts. And even though the characters are rendered well, their design doesn't really bring anything to the game. The only nice thing to look at in these games is the lyrical, violent movements of their fighting styles.... And I expect sub-titles in my videotapes, not in the middle of a game.

SOUND: 6.5/10

Okay, I love the wild techno music on RedEye's level, but the rest of the music is that Sega-style Japan-o-pop stuff. Icky, but not disturbing. What is disturbing comes back to SOA. Everybody's voice is Japanese! After winning a bout, your fighter steps back and shouts "omaeosutosagashiteita!" (???). This is understandable in a game like VF2, where some people speak different languages, but even skipping past the fact that we're supposed to be in the Bronx, there are very blonde, Anglo-looking characters screeching at each other in Japanese!!! An additionally weak point, the voice actors for in-fight sounds are different than the actors for the posing sounds (and THEY are different than the endgame animation actors). So a fighter using a high pitched voice in combat will have a deep gravely voice in a winning pose, then a chirpy giggly voice in the animations. At least all the animations are only 4 seconds long, right?

GAMEPLAY: 6/10

Ugh. Couldn't SOA take the time to fix anything on the arcade port? I guess not. First, the collision detection is off. So you live with the horror of seeing yourself flash a series of crippling blows THROUGH a prone opponent's chest. I've only had the game a week and I can't count how many times I've seen opponents suddenly turn intangible long enough for me to miss, then have my a#$ handed to me! Secondly ("you mean it gets worse?"), if you're looking for the incredible fighting arts mechanics of VF2 (or in some ways FMM), forget it.... I keep screaming in my head "DODGE!" "BLOCK!" Nothing happens. Button mashing is the norm here.

REPLAY VALUE: 7/10

With only eight opponents, (unbelievable) no instant replays and good-looking (but incredibly short animations, why play it again? Secrets. The game's got more cheesy secrets than anything. One secret fighter. One secret level. Even the ending after beating the game with all fighters is hidden! Secret screen shots. The greatest insult of all is that since the Saturn is now officially a dead system, even great sites like Dave's Sega Saturn Page aren't able to list how to solve the secrets for the US version!!! Woe....

OVERALL: 5.8/10

I have to give this one a crappy low score and it hurts me, 'cause this game is constantly reminding you how cool it could be.... It's so close to cool that it hurts. Lightning fast combat. Wild fighting styles. And all for naught. Sega of America barely bothered to package this crap-port. Just take the money and run. It makes me dread just how good the approaching U.S. shores (maybe) Dead or Alive will be....