Review by: J.M. Vargas

"TIGER WOODS' WORST NIGHTMARE!"

Remember this one for 3DO? It was called "Death Valley Golf", or something like that; Panasonic released it but I strongly suspect the title is an obscure PC port that simply slipped into oblivion. The Saturn version, released by third-party Vic Tokai under the name "Valora Valley Golf", has got to be one obscure title that is hard to track (or even know it exists). I ended up buying a used copy from Electronics Boutique for $14, since I couldn't find a rental copy anywhere; thank God for EB's ten-day return policy, because "Valora Valley Golf" is one weird game that is worth checking for its kitsch value. Those $14 are now part of a copy on "Manx TT" (read the review).

Golf games are just golf games, with little to distinguish them apart except exclusive licensed deals with players, associations and golf courses. Some (Interplay's "VR Golf") are better than others (EA's "PGA Tour 97"), but in the end the basics of the above-mentioned 32-bit golf titles are no different than those in my old-time golf favorite, Atari Lynx's (squirrel says "Let's Play...) Awesome Golf". "Valora..." has several fictional courses and players, and the standard bells and whistles of the genre. What sets it apart is that the entire tournament takes place in the domain of Kathy Lee Gifford and her son Cody; that's right, the game is played in Hell itself. Lava traps, mountaneous obstacles before you and the green, and volcanic eruptions as you attempt to Bogey on -6 are a common site in a Hell tournament (but how would I know that anyway?).

GRAPHICS: C+

Standard points of view and camera angles that have been seen in all golf games since the Links series on PC and countless others. "Valora Valley Golf" is graphically neither a sore to the eyes or an eye-candy paradise; the fictitious hazards of the course are obviously superimposed over the flat surface of a normal videogame golf course, and they do look rather odd and mismatched with the depth-of-field (it does the trick though!).

MUSIC / SOUNDS: C-

What little music there is, it simply lacks spark and anything worth mentioning; it's relegated to menu screens and doesn't play during the game (this is still golf, duh!) or the ending ceremony. Sound effects are your standard swing noise and environmental sounds: birds chipping, caddy advice, volcano erupting, lava boiling, etc. Just another day at Marlon Brando's place (I have no idea what that means either!).

GAMEPLAY / FUN FACTOR: D+

I'm not a golf enthusiast, and therefore don't follow the sport in either its real life or videogame realm (I will admit that I laughed my head off with the Kevin Costner movie "Tin Cup" though). And frankly, besides the kitsch value of the Hell settings, "Valora Valley Golf" just seems to have grabbed the features of the many other golf titles in the market and thrown them together: the arc system from Links and "PGA Tour", the digitized look of PC golf titles circa 1993/1994, etc. With its many courses and players, it does have variety and wackiness as its main selling points. It slipped by the 3DO market without a ripple back in early 1995, and sometime in 1996 (without fanfare or any promotional support whatsoever) it did the same thing on Saturn. Vic Tokai fans (are there any?) may want to track down this odd Saturn entry from the company that brought "Shinobi" to American soil. Needless to say, the Dark Falcon is probably itching to put his claws into analyzing this oddity; he's just silly that way (pinball?).

OVERALL: D

Don't bother with this one folks, unless you want to play every Saturn game out there in discount-bin territory (where this game has had a quiet and non-eventful existence for quite some time). Obscurest 3DO exclusive title that ever appeared on Saturn by far, and when you consider that list includes "Space Hulk" and "The Horde" that says a lot. Playing golf in the Hell courses of Vic Tokai's "Valora Valley Golf" is like watching Tommy Lee Jones' climactic scene in the movie "Volcano" (where he outruns the falling building): you feel sorry for the people who worked on the project, you feel like an ass for having payed money to watch this turd, and there's lava everywhere! I'm sleepy!